Something

I just want something to happen. I had a callback for the Prada commercial and I blatantly lied that I could ride a motorcycle (although in my panic I set up a lesson for tommorow). I didn’t get the job. It’s weird the thoughts that race through my head because obviously it’s a job I really wanted and then I begin to think I’m not worthy of a job like that and I’d probably brag about it on social media which is unattractive (then I want to delete my social media accounts) and then I hope the universe will prove me wrong, that I AM in fact good enough for Prada. Huh. This week has exhausted me , and I have to do it all over again next week, hopefully better. There’s so much I want to accomplish, with my acting, I don’t want to be another statistic, another “actress”, another failure. I want to work with the directors I admire on the stages I esteem with the actors I respect. Some days (like today) my lack of inaction leaves me banging my head against the wall. A silent scream inside , “dear God please let something happen.” I am enough in every capacity and yet the horror of Now is engulfing me all too quickly.

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