I can say whole heartedly I haven’t been happy. I have this rationalization that you just deal with death. And that to be sad is to be dramatic. I mean how twisted have I become?! I’m going to be sad and that’s okay even if my brain wants to tell me it’s not okay bc of this and that circumstance. I’m really trying to walk through this cloud and see a rainbow on the other side but its dark in here and I’m lost. But I also know whole heartedly that the universe will support and guide me. ( that is like a major breakthrough for in my quest for spirituality). I’m feeling like a failure with my work and I think I need to give myself the space to say its ok to step back from work right now. My heart is certainly not in it. I don’t know where my heart is. In my body keeping me alive is as far as I can imagine. Strong.STRONG.