change

 i feel tired. why am i so tired? i feel inadequate. like i dont add up to anyone around me. i feel giddy. i went on a date with a surprisingly hot guy. its like, dont call me, im contemplating suicide. not actual suicide. id hate to be another dead body lying in the ground. (even though i want my ashes spread into the ocean…so i can come back as a beluga whale. beluga whales seem to me the most free animal on earth. they can dive deep into unknown places of the earth, and to swim around the world..glorious i tell you) so i wasn’t actually contemplating suicide but now i am contemplating re-incarnation. okay. enough tangents. what was i talking about? butterflies. no. joke. my mom got a butterfly tattoo today. what is that?? my Mom does not like pain, or needles. she does however love butterflies. but im like, who are you Mom? No. Who are you?? its weird how, like, im not sure ill ever really know who my parents are. ugh. i hate that i use the word like, it makes me sound so illiterate. but you know what? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! take that literate fucks. what am i talking about? clearly im rambling. anyways, i feel weird today. mostly tired. but like i said, inadequate. for quite some time now ive been contemplating which direction to move in, new york or la. and honestly, I KNOW, it doesn’t matter which way i go. and recently ive been thinking more LA, although all of last year it was NY. but id say 80% was because i was in love with a NY boy. fucker. he’s lost. or maybe hes not.  lost in yonkers i guess. [i feel lost today]

todays one of those days that i should go shopping. oh god. what a horrible habbit to get in. or is it?

Dear Karl Lagerfeld,

Id like you to dress me really pretty in Chanel and call me your little babe. and like pat my butt, like football players..cuz you know, you where a glove. and ill read to you by the fireplace on holidays.

Dear Barak Obama,

I think you’re doing a pretty rad job. rad is short for radical. so there you go. but you already knew that. cuz you’re barak obama. i voted for you. not technically, but in my heart. IM SORRY! i was in a state i wasn’t registered to vote. but guess what ? you were elected on my birthday! it was such a great birthday gift to me from you! thank you! and okay, united states citizens can get credit for that one to. but then my ex-boyfriend at the time was all, lets go out and celebrate, ( hmmm, my birthday or your “birth”day…) and then he was like like “what are you doing?” that is not something you ask an artist on their birthday. im pretty sure i was thinking “are you gay?” jesus. this again. thats why we broke up. anyways, id like some more rally speeches…but other than that. thumbs up!

S

Dear Sarah Palin,

you are so stupid. do you know that? you’re also brave. but bravery does not make one smart. sorry. basically your like a brut. and not the champaigne kind.

dear mick jagger,

i got them moves like jagger. did you come up with that? you’re amazing. i really didnt think you needed to publish a biography. keith richards was so good. and you’re fucking mick jagger. i love you. i wish i could marry a rockstar. but its like. they dont seem very faithful or grounded, and why should they be? they’re fucking rockstars…you are a fucking rockstar. so its like, i guess thats not what i want and i dont want them to be who they’re not. so i guess what im saying is i dont really want to date a rockstar.

dear marie antoinette,

you rule. i once sat on all your furniture. you did too. neat. we’re like sisters now. jk. kirsten dunst in sofia coppolas movie of you was fantastic. i like france. alot.

dear steve jobs,

are you mr. brainwash? i was having a conversation with this new guy i like and i said that to him. and you know what? it made sense. but then he was like, the guy i mean, he was like lets go plaster pictures of steve jobs around the city. and god, i wish i could plaster them all over the world. because thats what you deserve. like on all the major skyscrapers ! its like, no human being could ever fly a plane into your face. NO WAY! sometimes when i think about you i think my mind is just blown. does that mean i cant comprehend you? i mean, not even as a man. cuz thats sad. what should i do? maybe i should leave the country. god. no. what good would that do? you’re just incredible, i think.

so about moving. im just gonna stay in chicago for a while, until my bestie is like ,YES! Lets move to LA! or like..some other miraculous thing happens. But chicago has so much to offer me right now that im not sure LA could. NY could, but new york is ….a dream.

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