hoo haa were off to see the fairy today. yay!
birds chirp chirp chirping and tweeting and singing
in the middle of the night with the window wide
but still they sing to me
summer is stirring
vrooooom vroooooom vrooooming
only last summer did he lose his head
and her body lay face down too
his head facing west, his body shred
fireworks and joy
he wrote a song
that she sings
while the birds keep chirping
and the vroom vroom vrooming
goodnight light goodnight
I think my moms dog is an alien. maybe her cat too. sent for my enjoyment and their karma. theres nothing like cheese, bread, & jam. makes me want to start a farm where I grow my own wheat, and a few goats, and flowers and fruit and herbs. So i can have pizz all the time. everyday for the rest of my life. cheese, bread & jam. which got me thinking. my own farm. my own wheat. cheese, bread, & jam. 1,2,3. and nomnomnom. zaaaaaaaaa. whatever happened to Dave. and those days in the desert, howling at the moon, banging on drums by the firelight. listening to the shadows tell the story of the night. and falling falling falling deeply in love. holding eachother – too afraid to let go. and the mushrooms and the red sky and the blue blue aqua blue water. jealousy and envy to turn a stomach green. take me back. i wanna go back. to cheerleading and dance. to school plays and young romance. what is this life? this one life given to us. who are we really? we die. we are born. we go on. for eons and lightyears and echoes upon echoes of lost mountains crumbled. here we are. with electricity at our command. delete buttons and a web of minds. but who are you? who are You? tell me who you are. i need you. what do you know of that lost world. hold me. kiss me. sing me to sleep. caress me with your tenderness. ambiance. nothing. the breath. darkness.
A heart rate monitor with a Christian cross symbol.
I was cruising. The sun on my face, the wind in my hair – and then BAM! I hit a glass wall out of fucking nowhere! Why? How? Life you are so weird! But, respect. Life has demanded I sit in the stillness and get real. Look for the soul; go deeper & richer, in everyone, in everything and in myself. I can’t articulate how strange that came upon me and I know these weird happenstances are directing our lives to exactly what they need. I feel so utterly behind in everything; literature , pop culture, the truth. But I keep reading&watching&listening.
A smile can change the world! Believe it! It’s true! Be kind to yourself & be kind to everyone. Smile at strangers and watch their face brighten up as they walk by. And that simple small little thing can change the world.
I’ve used up all my allotted space on WordPress and can no longer post photos . This is a sad day; like that time the actual music died in LA; the indie radio station went off the air followed by a long beep and finally some static filled faint Mariachis. I cannot even begin to grasp the mysteries of life, but I’ll just continue searching my soul for answers and trying to be kind to myself and my family and everyone. We all need kindness. I tried to remember my first memory as a child and what came to mind was me hiding. Why was I hiding? There was a sense of fear, of being afraid? Who was I afraid of? I was a child, what could I possibly have done so terribly wrong that I was afraid ? I’ll continue digging. Until then I must be kind, I must dance, I must sing, I must do all the things that terrify me.
I give in, I am not ok. My insides feel like they are deteriorating. I’m collapsing in on myself.
I flow through the motions of the day and try to keep my spirits high, my thoughts positive, my outlook bright. But it’s exhausting. I am not ok. I am not ok. I am not ok. I am sad. I am failing. I am lost. I look around me and see all this stuff and I don’t know why I feel this way. But I do, and today I’m embracing it. Today, I’m not fighting. Today I am allowing myself to be a sad, lost, crumbling woman. And that’s ok.