Silence is golden

Omg my roommate is a drummer & I’m going to go fucking insane. Stop the fucking music. Just stop the fucking beating . Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. If I had any self dignity I’d go and knock knock knock on his fucking door & plead with him to stop. But I’m the kind of person who let’s him carry on his practice while I quietly fume away & slowly build resentment towards him. God I fucking hate roommates. This ones either pounding away or singing the same fucking awful verse repeatedly out of tune. What I wouldn’t give for my Jamaican neighbor to start screaming right now.

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Genesis Unraveled

I wrote this poem once
That described me to a tee
And if I wrote a poem again
It’d be confusing & hard to read
It’d go :
Here there yesterday
Over it, with it, above it,
Beneath it, in tune with it
What is it?
But I didn’t write a poem
Because the words just wouldn’t flow
I just sat awhile alone
Searching on my phone

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Rrrrr

movies/tv I want to watch:
My so called life
Freaks & geeks
House of cards
Game of thrones
To the Wonder
Noah
East of Eden
books/writers I want to read
Anna karenina
Chrysanthemums/Steinbeck
Angels in America
Game of Thrones
Rilke
Rimbaud
Blake
Walt Whitman
Alan Ginsberg
Wordsworth
Steven Spender
TS Eliot Sylvia Plath
William Blake
Carl Sandburgh
John Greenleaf Whittier
All of Chuck palahniuk
Othello

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What

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

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Everything

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Bucket list

The things I want to do before I die.

a role in a movie
A role in Shakespeare in the Park
A role in a broadway play
Bunjee jump
A summer in Paris
Get lost in Tokyo
Learn to horseback ride
Fly a plane
Go to India
Go to Italy
Publish a book
Learn to surf

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Sick boy

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Today

Two things happened today. I played my violin for people to hear and I prayed. Playing my violin, I was nervous. I was shaking and I had a rush of nastalgic feelings I hadn’t felt since I last competed in violin. This wasn’t a competition. I couldn’t vibrato properly and my bow was shaking so much it bounced. I was out of tune and though I can’t tell you exactly if I was good or bad. I know I played awfully. But, I learned that this is a vulnerable part of me. I’ve kept it hidden away and I’ve lost my abilities so to share that with people is to be vulnerable. And that I can relish in. And being in a place of despair, which I easily fall pray to I clasped my hands together looked up to the heavens and said a prayer. But what I found was that I don’t believe in prayer bc when my brother and sister were dying my parents would only pray and I thought, stubbornly, they needn’t pray, they need to do something! And though I still believe that I suppose there is salvation in prayer when you’ve surrendered your whole being to a higher power. And that is vulnerability.

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