With my bf gone for the weekend I have decided to have a love affair with myself. So I’m writing myself love letters and making myself dinner and simply enjoying my own company. Or rather, beyond just enjoying, Loving my own company. This is something I probably need to do everyday but I forget when I’m caught up in the Ho hum of life that I love myself first.
I have become unfamiliar to me. Where did Sarah go and who am I ? I use to know a girl who could achieve anything, but who am I? Sarah was funny and beautiful…sounds like a eulogy. My least favorite question as an actress is, what is your dream role? How could I possibly answer that when the world is filled with brilliant directors&writers. My dream role as of today is Molly in Love Song by John kolvenbach. Not because I love Molly, but because I love the story, I love what the writer is trying to say, I actually relate to Beane (The lead character who is a man). So by playing Molly I can serve the story, I can be apart of something I think needs telling. Bc I don’t think I’m the only one who feels like the world is closing in on them. But tommorow I may read something new and that may be my new dream role. Dream role. Fuck that. I feel stuck though. Trapped. Lost. Miserable. In acting terms we call that uncomfortable. And that’s a “good” place. Nothing like being out of your comfort zone. God give me a challenge. Ask and you shall recieve. My whole life is a challenge. Bueller? Anyone alive out there? Anyone agree? My boyfriend is “living his dream” and isn’t it ironic that his gf is far from it? I guess it’s true about opposites, oh my god, I need a drink. Give me a whole bottle of pink champaign and a gay dance club in Paris. that’s where I wanna be. And I truely disgust myself with this self loathing thing. I want to be free.